"I'm just gonna sit at home, listen to country & western music and... uh... have a few drinks."

Those Were the Days, My Friend

I miss the mothership. It's party season, and I want to have a party. I've been going to parties and they are fun, but also a drag because one must remember to pocket enough money to get home, and one must remember not to leave things behind.... at your own house, you can just go hug the porcelain god for 45 minutes and crawl to bed. Much more dignified.

Christmas.
I don't want to come across as bah, humbug, but I am not feeling it this year. I eschew present exchanges, mainly because i cannot afford to buy presents. i despise the emphasis on consumerism. i still owe dal two grand.

i am quite psyched to hang out with the folks, and mw, and my brother. there will be good food - this is a bonus. many hours of laundry. this is a bonus. however, many days of driving, entertaining, driving, being entertained. not enough time for board games, cable and sleep. stop complaining.

New Year's.
resolutions. i am tired of them. i make them every day of the year and break them as regularly. i have some new leaves i am turning over with the start of the new semester. i will keep them to myself. then nobody can call me on failure.

Love.
this is a recurring theme. maybe not on this blog, but definitely in my head. i am lonely. in a way that is hard to describe to people who are not alone. and i resent the bitterness that stems from loneliness. a vicious circle.

Auld Lang Syne.
New year's eve should be fun. i love to wear fancy dresses and sparkly jewelry and drink gin. however, i think this year i will mark the transition here - at the velvet underground. likely by myself. maybe i will dress up and take some photos. this is the reality of the 30 year old singleton. pretty sad.

Misc.
I was hit on by 3 different men this weekend. one 40-something married guy (not my type). one 20-something college kid (not my type). and one guy probably my age at a bus stop who was very concerned about the prevalence of HIV in nova scotia. (i told him i was on my way to my boyfriend's house for dinner).

too picky?
i don't think so.

Brain is scattered. not much else to say. haven't really said anything.

happy holidays.

sickened

i guess if i don't want to be treated like a slutty whore then i shouldn't act like one. it's been a long time since i felt so gross, and i only have myself to blame. i am so angry and disgusted, i don't even know where to place my hostility. argh.

skills to pay the bills

i need a roommate. so badly.

Thin Skin

News Flash.

I am aware of my flaws. I have many of them.

Here are a select few: i'm too loud (especially after drinking), i'm self centred (count the # of times i use the word "i" in this rant), i'm a slob (which is why you haven't been invited over lately, and if you have been over lately, i apologize), i'm fat, i have bad breath more often than not, i'm always always late, i'm a little spacey, i can be a real energy sucker - it can be exhausting to spend too much time around me, i'm wildly jealous, i'm a spoiled brat, i'm sketchy, i'm hypersensitive, i'm moody, i'm a drama queen, i'm neurotic, i'm boy crazy, i'm a know-it-all....

See, the point is, i already know these things. No point in overstating the obvious - I mean, you can yell at me if i'm driving you nuts but no need to give me a comprehensive list or anything... i know. Y'all have some too.

i like some of my flaws, others cause me embarrassment and regret. i guess the battle of existence is sorting all that shit out.

There's nothing wrong with my life, i come from a decent family who treat me very well, i have my own digs, i'm going to school (and putting myself into lifelong debt in order to do so), i have nice friends, i have nice stuff, i like my music collection....

but i am really fucking cranky and bitter today. my feelings get hurt too often. i'm perched on my pity pot, as jack would say. i want somebody to take care of me.

i don't want anybody to tell me what i'm doing wrong, or what i should be doing.

where can i get my hands on a thicker skin? i thought i put my time in for that.

Cognitive Development

I am halfway through exams. One week from friday i will be DONE for a few weeks (that will likely pass at warp speed). Oh sweet rest and lack of responsibility, i cannot wait to meet you!

easy exams done.
difficult exams en route.

i am buckling down and gettin' to it.

this must rank high on the "most thrilling posts ever" list.

Feelin' Groovy

today was great. really great.

work was fun.

i love feeling the outside on my skin.

come on people now, smile on your brother.

My 2 Seconds of Fame

About half way down the page, reminders of the disagreements were just outside....the first sign they mention is MINE!!!!!!!!

http://cnn.netscape.cnn.com/news/story.jsp?floc=ne-main-9-l3&flok=FF-APO-1101&idq=/ff/story/0001%2F20041201%2F1439301876.htm&sc=1101

No Justice! No Peace! U.S. Out Of The Middle East!

It's kind of a drag that the peace coalition urged everybody away from the action today. Those of us who toughed it out at Pier 21 needed more support. But it was a good march and a good protest and a pretty awesome feeling to get out there and yell at that dumb jerk.

I hate running into certain people around town. It just reminds me that I'm lonely. You're so nuts to turn me down.